In a world where polygamy is often viewed with skepticism and moral alarm, Hafsa Rizki offers a different perspective. For many, the idea of one husband having multiple wives conjures images of jealousy, injustice, and broken homes. Indeed, polygamy is globally rare – only about two percent of people live in polygamous households, and in most countries, it is under 0.5 percent.
In Egypt, where Islamic law permits a man to marry up to four wives under strict conditions, the practice remains legal but uncommon – fewer than 1 percent of Egyptian Muslim men have more than one wife. This figure, however, does not take into account Urfi (unregistered) marriages that are informal agreements recognized socially but not legally, often lacking official documentation.
Societal attitudes tend to be wary; monogamy is the rule and polygamy an exception, as Egypt’s Grand Imam Sheikh Ahmed Al-Tayeb stressed in 2019, warning that polygamy can lead to “severe injustice to women” if misused.
Against this backdrop, Rizki, a blogger, marriage coach, and founder of Womben’s Wisdom, an academy for what she calls ‘spiritual alchemy’, stands out. Spiritual alchemy is the process of freeing your spiritual self from your fears, limiting belief systems, and lack of self-acceptance. Rizki has carved a niche as a specialist in guiding women and men through polygamous marriages.
Her journey — from an arranged marriage in her teens, to a divorce, to becoming a second wife herself — has shaped an unconventional belief: that polygamy can work in modern relationships, if approached with honesty, personal growth, and the right support.
From Arranged Marriage to Polygamy Advocacy
Rizki’s personal story underpins her outlook.
Born into a Muslim family that straddled Middle Eastern and Western cultures, she was 16 years old when she entered an arranged marriage.
“Leaving that marriage was very challenging,” she says. Social expectations urged her to stay despite her unhappiness—“even when you are not happy, just stay for your child,” came the refrain from relatives. Rizki became a mother at 18, but found herself in a union devoid of love or chemistry.
“I lived seven years of emotional misery,” she says, describing her first marriage, which ended in divorce in her early twenties.
After her divorce, Rizki began to question and explore relationship dynamics in a way few women in her community openly do. Having spent part of her upbringing in the United Kingdom, she was familiar with Western norms of dating, yet her mindset on polygamy was accepting.
“I always thought polygamy was just part of a man’s nature, so I did not have a problem with it,” Rizki says. “But I was not aware of the challenges… you think you are fine with it until it actually happens to you.”
In her post-divorce relationships, she was open to non-monogamy in principle – a stance uncommon for a woman in her conservative circles. Yet, she encountered a striking paradox: even when she permitted male partners to be honest about seeing other women, they often concealed the truth.
“I told them I do not have a problem with it as long as you are open,” she explains, “but there was no clarity, they would still hide it.”
This frustrating experience solidified one of Rizki’s core beliefs: secrecy and deceit, not polygamy itself, inflict real harm in relationships. So, when Rizki fell in love with a married man who was upfront about his wish to practice polygamy, she found herself willing to listen. His honesty was a relief and she hoped that this unconventional arrangement could succeed with transparency.
“I thought I had finally found the happily ever after,” she told Egyptian Streets.
Reality proved more complicated when other people found out. Rizki felt guilt, anxiety, and the sting of societal judgment: How could she, a young woman with a Western education, agree to be a “co-wife”?
“People around me were outraged. How dare you do that?” She remembers the backlash.
“The first wife is automatically seen as the victim, and the second wife as a homewrecker,” she adds, acknowledging that she was caught off guard by the intensity of jealousy and insecurity that surfaced within her.
“You say you are okay with it, but then you realise you are not 100 percent until it happens to you,” she admits, describing the emotional rollercoaster she had to endure.
Struggling to navigate her own polygamous marriage, Rizki looked for guidance. She scoured online resources and turned to religious mentors, but found little practical help.
“I found no one in the Arab world who addressed the psychological and emotional aspects of polygamy,” she says. Traditional counsel ranged from terse religious edicts to unsympathetic advice urging patience, none of which addressed the very real pain and confusion she felt.
“It left women, including myself, raging with anger,” Rizki recalls.
This void in support became the seed of her current work. “That was when I dedicated my journey to figure it out myself,” she says, referring to the insights she gained from grappling with her situation.
It also marked the birth of her mission: to coach others in polygamous relationships, so they would not have to struggle alone as she once did.
Coaching Polygamy in Modern Relationships
Having pursued studies in Islamic theology and currently completing a psychology degree to bolster her expertise, Rizki has been coaching individuals in polygamous marriages for the past five years, bringing a blend of personal experience, Islamic scholarship, and psychology to her practice.
Through Rizki’s relationship academy, she offers one-on-one coaching, group workshops, and courses – even holding a recent self-development workshop in Cairo titled Ana Awalan (Me First).
Her clients span the globe and faith spectrum; while many are Muslim wives (and husbands) seeking to navigate polygyny (a man, in particular, being married to two or more women at the same time), others include Christians and even non-religious couples exploring non-monogamy. Each case, Rizki stresses, is unique.
“There is no one-size-fits-all. We take every case on its own and decide the best course of action,” she explains.
Sometimes, she counsels a second wife alone, grappling with feelings of betrayal; other times, a first wife is determined to save her marriage; often, the husband seeks advice on keeping peace in the household. Occasionally, all parties sit together in what she calls a “polygamy family workshop” – a mediated session to air grievances and set new boundaries. Whoever is willing to change and work on the relationship is who comes forward, Rizki notes, whether it is one wife or all three partners in a triad.
A central theme in Rizki’s coaching is helping clients overcome toxic emotions that polygamy can breed if left unchecked – chief among them, jealousy.
“Almost everyone says that they would be burdened by jealousy,” Rizki says, reflecting on a survey she once conducted about people’s fears of polygamy. But, instead of dismissing or shaming women for their feelings, she encourages them to confront these emotions head-on.
“Women have never been taught how to understand their jealousy, and often they are not even allowed to feel it,” she observes.
In many cases, a second wife who admits to jealousy is rebuked by others: “People say, ‘Well, you accepted this, so you have no right to complain.’” As a result, women suppress their pain. Rizki warns this is precisely what not to do.
“She suppresses her emotions, and that is what causes the real problems,” she explains. In her sessions, jealousy is treated as a normal human emotion –a signal to be understood, not a sin to be punished. Wives are guided to express their feelings constructively, while husbands learn to empathise rather than dismiss a wife’s insecurity.
Beyond jealousy, guilt is another emotion Rizki frequently encounters.
Breaking the Cycle of Guilt and Finding Self-Worth
“Society punishes everyone involved,” says Hafsa Rizki. “They punish the second wife for agreeing to such a situation, the first wife for not leaving, and the husband for putting himself in it.” This cycle of guilt traps families in resentment, but Rizki helps individuals refocus on personal growth by addressing their real needs—whether it’s a wife’s need for security or a husband’s need for respect.
“We allow them to see what they want, and we teach them strategies to achieve it,” she explains. “Once a person regains a sense of power and agency, the cycle of guilt can be broken.”
A major aspect of her coaching is helping women detach their self-worth from being the “one and only.” She acknowledges that “the desire to be the one and only is natural – it is our core essence, wanting to feel special,” but teaches women to embrace their individuality so they are “not threatened by another person in their husband’s life.” This involves guiding them to build confidence in their careers, talents, faith, and goals.
Her programs begin with unlearning—challenging ingrained cultural beliefs that equate polygamy with female sacrifice. Many women feel obligated to tolerate unhappiness, fearing that speaking out makes them “bad wives.”
Rizki challenges this mindset, particularly the “lack mentality” that makes some women accept less—less attention, less commitment, fewer rights—because society convinces them they should feel lucky to have a man at all. “Recognise your own value,” she urges, “and do not waive your God-given rights out of fear or insecurity.”
Balancing Spirituality, Ethics, and Boundaries
Rizki also integrates spirituality into her coaching, using Quranic teachings and prophetic stories to emphasize justice in plural marriages. She works with husbands to create clear schedules and strategies to ensure fairness across households and warns against forcing relationships.
“A husband might push his first wife to be best friends with the second wife, and she is just not ready,” she explains. “I tell him, set healthy boundaries. You cannot force a certain relationship before its time.”
She also coaches wives on setting boundaries without ultimatums, ensuring that terms like time-sharing and affection are mutually agreed upon. This forms part of the “polygamy contract” where couples negotiate expectations, allowing each partner to feel secure.
Contrary to popular belief, Rizki does not advocate solely for women—she supports men as well. “Men in the Middle East often face manipulation and emotional abuse, but they are taught to suppress their feelings,” she notes. Many struggle to manage the emotional toll of balancing two families under social scrutiny, leading her to coach them on stress management and healthier communication with their wives.
Navigating Stigma and Finding Strength
Rizki’s advocacy for polygamy – or more accurately, for the people within polygamy – inevitably courts controversy. In an era when monogamy is seen as synonymous with modernity and women’s empowerment, her stance can be hard to digest. Especially in Western contexts, the idea of plural marriage often raises alarms about gender inequality.
New research in the United Kingdom last year found that multi-partner relationships are generally far less desirable to people than monogamy and that men are six times more likely than women to even be open to a polygynous arrangement. Polygamy is also illegal in much of Europe and North America and is widely seen as incompatible with contemporary values of fidelity and equality.
In Egypt and the Arab world, where polygamy has a religious basis, it is not common. Women’s rights organisations frequently highlight the psychological toll on wives who must share a husband. A systematic review of studies across Muslim-majority societies indicates polygamous wives have higher rates of depression, anxiety, and lower life satisfaction compared to those in monogamous marriages.
This is the dark side of polygamy’s story – one that Rizki acknowledges. She does not claim that every polygamous marriage is salvageable or that every woman should accept it. Rather, she argues that those who choose or find themselves in this situation deserve better tools to cope, instead of being shunned or left to suffer in silence.
She has observed, counterintuitively, that overcoming the trials of a polygamous marriage can act as a catalyst for women to break through deep-rooted emotional wounds. In other words, confronting jealousy, fear, and insecurity head-on may force personal growth that might not have happened in a comfortable monogamous setting.
“Polygamy can sometimes push a woman to discover her strength and resilience in a way she never imagined,” Rizki says.
Rizki is careful to emphasize that her work is not about persuading anyone to choose polygamy.
“I am not here to tell people to go seek a second wife or become one,” she says with a laugh. In fact, some of her clients decide polygamy is not for them – for instance, a first wife may ultimately choose divorce, or a husband may reconsider taking another spouse. Rizki views those outcomes as successes too, if they result from a place of clarity and self-respect rather than knee-jerk reactions or societal pressure.
Her mantra is about conscious choice.
If polygamy is to be part of one’s life, then enter it with eyes open and the emotional tools to handle it. And if one cannot handle it, that is okay –make the choice that preserves one’s dignity and peace. In this way, Rizki’s pro-polygamy advocacy is less a rah-rah cheer for multiple marriages and more a call for empathy and understanding for those who live this reality.
As polygamy continues to spark debate –with some hailing it as a solution for social problems and others decrying it as patriarchal – Rizki’s voice adds a nuanced, human-centric take. She agrees that polygamy is not for everyone. But, she argues, it will persist in society in one form or another, and ignoring it helps no one.
Rather than demonising all polygamous families or pitying the women involved, Rizki urges a focus on education and compassionate support. By addressing topics like managing jealousy and setting fair rules before a second marriage happens, she hopes future families will avoid the pitfalls that plagued her journey.
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